Current with the betrayal of the partner, people are often sure that they are well aware of the reasons for what happened. But in our culture it is not customary to talk about this openly, and therefore it is not so easy to separate the truth from fiction. This also explains the survivability of some stereotypes. The psychiatrist and specialist in relations and marriage Scott Halzman refutes the 10 most common of them.
1. Most deliberately sought a novel on the side. In fact, such relationships arise spontaneously and unforeseen – especially in cases where a betrayal partner had a relationship on the side with only one person. Novels often begin with friendship, then emotional and spiritual intimacy appears, and friendship develops into a love relationship.
2. In most cases, people change a constant partner with someone younger and more attractive. Recall Arnold Schwarzenegger, who changed his wife with a housekeeper, who, according to many, was not a beauty. There are incorrigible womanizers looking for girls, but in most cases the partner “on the side” is no younger, not richer and more beautiful than constant.
3. Treason is always a marriage sentence. More than half of marriages are able to survive treason. Relations can deteriorate in the future for other reasons, but many couples are surprised to realize that they can continue to live together after the betrayal of one of the partners.
4. The changed one day will change again. Sometimes infidelity becomes chronic, but often the novel on the side remains the only exception. There are two options for the development of relations – restoration of stability or final collapse. If the changed one hopes to return the trust of a permanent partner, he or she will have to always be honest in the future.
5. Romances on the side arise due to disadvantage in marriage. Problems exist in every marriage, without exception. Sometimes betrayals are due to the fact that partners do not want to solve these problems together or do not know how to do it. But even if it is really not all smooth in marriage, this cannot serve as an excuse for betrayal.
6. Change only for the sake of sex. In many cases, the partner longs primarily emotional, and not physical proximity. Sometimes the novel on the side remains the platonic. And although emotional and mental rapprochement often leads to sexual relations, initially a person did not necessarily look for them.
7. Treason is only physical. I repeat, many relationships on the side generally remain platonic. Is it possible to consider betrayal if you secretly correspond to a former classmate or classmate until late at night, sharing the most secret with them? Perhaps this is not at all treason for you, but your partner is unlikely to agree with this. Even emotional closeness with a new potential partner can be considered to some extent a betrayal.
8. The real reason for treason always lies in the problems in relations. It is a mistake to believe that the partner is always looking for just sex, but it is just as incorrect to think that he always craves only emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sometimes (although not in most cases), sexual attraction becomes the cause of infidelity.
9. Most of the wrong spouses are unhappy in marriage. According to polls, most of these spouses do not want a divorce. 56% of men and 34% of women who change their wife or husband consider their marriage happy. Women are more often incomprehensible in marriage than men.
10. After treason, marriage will never be happy. Almost no one tells about the betrayal of a partner to friends, neighbors and acquaintances, so you can not even suspect that a happy couple in the past had a chance
to survive the infidelity of one of the partners. In many cases, spouses manage to successfully save marriage, and some even believe that the experience has strengthened their relationship.